“Normally” I used to publish the ETUP at the beginning of a month but in this April everything was different!
There is this poem in German that eventually – at least the first line – every child can crow at a certain age. It goes:
“April, April, it doesn’t know what it wants.
Sometimes rain and sometimes sun,
Then it also snows again in between.
April, April, it doesn’t know what it wants.
Just look, just look, how it storms again and blows.
And now, oh dear, oh dear,
There also falls thick snow.
April, April, it doesn’t know what it wants.”
This describes – in the best sense – the actual time quality!
For many, especially the very sensitive amongst you, it might feel as an intensive dance between different layers of consciousness. We, as humans, are currently going through a major shift on all levels – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually that it couldn't be framed as a monthly focus but rather as a time quality. Nothing can be forced anymore as nothing is, at the end, in our hands and the spiral of the mind truly only starts because of this assumption. “Not wanting” and not “not wanting” is the simple and yet not always easy secret of being OK with what is.
There is this emptiness, that can feel in some moments as an emptiness in the way of “not being able to feel oneself”, “being disconnected” or “not being present” and all the negative emotions and thoughts that can come along with it. And then there is again an emptiness, a stillness that, at the same time, is everything – where you are missing nothing, where you are complete because you are who you are.
The beauty is that it’s all ok! Everything, exactly the way it is, is already fully accepted and cared for, hold and contained by this emptiness – also the disconnection and the struggle. It’s a fixed idea that we would need to change ourselves and that therefore something would be “wrong” with us. The word “Ich” (“I”) in German is not only literally the middle part of the word “Nichts” (“nothingness”) but rather or above all it’s probably the most exciting living experience.
This month and the following until the beginning of summer are describing this dance – and with it the essential decision with what or on which side we are engaging in. On the side of the ego and our old structures that involve us and keep us busy with the spirals of our thinking mind and believes, the pain and the negativity or if we sense a deeper inner longing, like an inner call that asks us again and again to look at the space behind the thoughts and to connect with that – with the truth, the peace and the love that is behind and the experience that we are THAT. Indeed, this is an exercise and a path that leads through our feelings. What is truly behind the pain? This investigation might take some time as we often have stored our feelings for decades in the very last corner. To explore a feeling until its end can open a complete new space inside! Not pushing it back but letting it be without “becoming it”, acting it out or identifying with it. Then a new feeling can come up and you look again – what’s behind it and then another, different feeling can come up and you look again – what’s behind it. Especially regarding the supposed negative feelings such as pain, grief or fear the human being often thinks that they are unbearable. And yes, it’s really an unfamiliar experiment to sink into it – to know that I can’t know what comes out if something dispense. It can be love itself! Most of the nightmare scenarios are solely in our minds in the first place. In that way we are finding back to our source. This is the dance and the challenge that we are facing more strongly than ever now and in the coming weeks. All it wants is a mindful presence, an honest questioning and the absolute wish for truth.
The discovery of our shadow sides, the negative voices in us, is actually an incredible chance – it’s like a channel, a conduit. They arise in different robes and appear again and again with the only reason that our true nature reveals itself more and more permanently. So don’t wonder if you are now and then deeply, up to your limits, challenged in this time. To some extent also in respect of feelings and certain issues you are really fed up with or thought that you have left them already long behind. Remember: It’s all ok! All these are little wake-up calls that are bringing us only anew back to the decision where we want to put our attention on.
It’s about to feel what emptiness is present. Is it emptiness which is abundance, presence, where the thoughts are still – also in the doing? Silence and presence doesn’t mean that all is motionless, that oneself is utterly passive. Or is it an emptiness that’s more like a numbness, a kind of inner void that is nothing else then an invitation to fall deeper into the abundance. The question is: What do you want to give more space in your life?
As long as there are inner blockages and defense mechanisms in us, we are not allowing our full light (which is not perfectionism) to shine completely through. A crucial point here to get wise to me is to investigate the motivation out of which I’m doing certain things. That means to look behind the curtain and the images that we often hold up about ourselves such as “’I’m so caring”, “I’m so open”, “I’m so loving”. Yet, if I can look at the motivation out of which I’m doing something “to be cared for”, “to be accepted”, “to be loved” – then it all can suddenly get a very different meaning and direction. These are very subtle layers though and it wants much honesty and, as mentioned, to pause for a moment to sense them inside of you. For all that comes out of this impulse has to do with ego. The pure love that we are simply devotes itself to that what is in the very moment. It’s a very illuminating time and also a time that, in a way, energetically ties together the months before and gets deeper, wider.
We are currently witnessing a general, very profound change and rise in energy and this is something that we can also feel physically on a deep level. It can increasingly happen that our bodies react in such a way that is partly inexplicable and can also be completely independent of any factual indications such as an urge to throw up or gastrointestinal disorders, losing or gaining weight rapidly although not eating less or more, sudden tiredness as well as heightened vibration symptoms. The most important is GROUNDING in these days! Physical activities are essential. Let occupations such as yoga or running/walking in nature be your essential, regular companions. Create conscious space for that in your calendar. These are appointments with yourself! It would be good – independent of time and duration – to have them on your daily schedule, at least once a day. When it comes to food, try to pay attention on healthy nutrition that has the quality to ground you like root vegetables, legumes and sweet potato. And, last but not least, integrate short and simple breathing exercises into your day. Three deep breaths in your stomach and an internal concentration on your belly region already draws the energy and the focus away from the fluttery mind into the body, the presence, the moment. Quick, easy and very effective!
So! In this overall sense it’s a dance! If I know about the dance then I can also dance it with more mindfulness and lightness, not to say with the gratitude of an awakened or awakening being. It’s not the goal, but the way that leads us. In the very moment we are willing to let life naturally unfold instead of controlling every step, the full consent with all that is grows steadily into full bliss and blossom.
Every thought is a possibility not to think it further.
Every feeling is a chance not to react.
Every moment is an invitation to pause and to stop the story around it.
What would then be?
Find it out!
I wish you all many blissful moments by touching base with your true divine nature!